Monday, June 29, 2009

Top 10 Ways To Prepare For the Zombie Outbreak

Let's face it. When it comes to a zombie outbreak, it's not a question of "if" but a question of "when". We can't be completely sure of what type of zombies we're dealing with. However, it is certain that the time will come. If you're not prepared for the worst, you won't make it past the first day of infection. The following is a list of things you must do if you want to live.

1. Live on the second floor or higher.
There is a chance we will be dealing with zombies who can't climb up a flight of stairs. If this is the case, the obvious choice will be to hide out as high up as possible. If the zombies do have the ability to run and climb stairs the best alternative would be to hide somewhere only accessible by ladder. It is highly unlikely a zombie would have the coordination or patience to climb up hand over hand.

2. Always have a full tank of gas.
You never know when you might need to make a quick getaway to another town. You do not want to be stuck pumping gas at the local Exxon with packs of zombies stumbling around. Frankly, that's asking to be eaten.

3. Keep a loaded shotgun in your home within reach at all times.
If you don't have a gun of some sort you may want to invest. Zombies are a much bigger threat than your typical burglar. The quickest and easiest way to kill a zombie is with a clean shot through the brain.

4. Have a science lab at your disposal.
It sounds difficult, yes, but may be well worth it. We're almost completely certain that the outbreak will be caused by a highly infectious virus. Hey, somebody's got to come up with the anti-virus. Why shouldn't it be you? While you're at it you may want to brush up on your human biology.

5. Stock up on water and food.
Most importantly you're going to need to eat and drink plenty of water. A good rule of thumb is to have enough clean water and non-perishable food to last your family 72 hours. After that point you will have to take turns going to the super market. (Watch out for highly populated Wal-Mart and Costco stores.)

6. Have the supplies necessary to board up windows and doors.
Ideally you would want to use bricks and quick dry cement to block off windows. If these supplies aren't available use wood and roofing nails to completely cover all exits.

7. Be prepared to live off the land.
Alright, so it's been months and you're still alive. Congratulations! The stores are out of food and zombies have pitched camp right in the middle of town. It's time to start getting back to nature. You're going to need to know how to hunt and find shelter for yourself. I would recommend watching a few seasons of Man vs. Wild. Bear Grylls knows what's up.

8. Have something available to quietly pass the time.
One of the hardest things to overcome during an outbreak is boredom. You're going to get pretty anxious and stir crazy staying in one place for days on end. So you're going to need things to pass the time. However, you've got to keep a low profile. You don't want to advertise your whereabouts to the hungry flesh eaters outside your door. (Don't count on having electricity for very long. Chances are the power will cut out after only a couple days.)

9. Grab some outbreak attire.
Surprise, surprise T-shirts and tank tops are NOT bite proof. You're not Alice and won't get far fighting zombies in boots and a little red dress. Okay leather isn't zombie proof either but it will help some. If possible upgrade to Kevlar at some point along the way.

10. Get some target practice in from time to time.
Last but not least go to the gun range while there aren't zombies invading your home. A gun is of no use to you if you can't hit anything. You'll thank me later!



Russ Walker June 30, 2009 at 12:34 AM  

Sweet! We were just arguing about this the other weekend at a friend's house. This will come in very handy. I think Portland will one of the first to go down...

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